JacobSanford.com

My cousin Aaron and I were around each other a lot as kids. I used to have a great time heading on up to Bayswater and spending weekends/days with Auntie C and Uncle S and Aaron. They had a huge woodlot around their house and that basically meant unlimited fun. Back then, uncle Steve even had a cool burn barrel out back, which, as a kid was nothing less than fascinating.

I remember one day I was up visiting, we were play-wrestling in the hall and things got out of hand. Aaron was older than me, and thus stronger. I must have been frustrated about losing the match and the situation quickly escalated from a play-fight to a real fight in my mind and I grabbed the nearest item - a grape flavored ‘Big Mouth Pop’ sucker and brained him in the head. Hard.

That ended the fight and I remember getting a scolding over it.. and deservedly so. That sucker was the size of a golf ball and twice as hard.

I told you that story to tell you another. Or maybe I didn’t have to. Hell, it really doesn’t matter, does it?

Anyhoo, Aaron and I used to arm-wrestle in the basement too.

And, as I said, he was older and stronger. But I THOUGHT I was the hero. Cripes, I had watched ‘Over the Top‘ a dozen times and basically considered myself an expert arm-wrestler for my age. Aaron no doubt knew this.

When we’d get down to serious arm-wrestling, for the first few matches he’d let me win.

Then, he’d shake his arm a bit and say ‘give me a minute’ and rub some Noxema into his bicep muscle. He’d work it in really well, rubbing lots into his arm until the skin couldn’t absorb any more. Then we’d settle down for another match and he’d literally destroy me. I’d lose in seconds. And for the rest of the matches I could never take a victory down. It was emotionally devastating.

So, you have to understand, to me, that Noxema had magical powers.

Now, don’t judge Aaron as unfair! He would also offer it to me at the same time, but it never seemed to have the same effect on me as it did him. My strength wouldn’t magically increase - the Noxema simply made my arm tingle and smell bad. It must have been something in the way I applied it. Or how the chemicals interacted with my muscles. I’m still not sure.

I always wondered why the rest of the world had not discovered how Noxema makes you exponentially stronger. I wanted to shout it from the hills, but nobody (Especially adults) ever took me seriously. I didn’t know how to get my message out!

But see, I didn’t have a blog back then. And I do now.

Sometimes the lights all shinin on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip its been.

Well it was only a matter of time before I started quoting the Grateful Dead. But holy crow, truer words have not been spoken.

I was reading my 501 ESSENTIAL BACKGAMMON PROBLEMS book while drinking a coffee this morning and it dawned upon me - Angelina Jolie is BOTH John Voight’s daughter and was in Cyborg 2. Not sure how any other serious actress can compete with that.

So put that one in your facebook and smoke it. How you like them apples?

I don’t claim to know a lot about advertising. I’m a scientist, I suppose and would only consider managing traffic and advertisements a ’sideline’ or ‘hobby’.

But what I have discovered is this; On the Internet, most rules that may have been ‘classic’ rules in advertising go out the window. I’ve paid traditional copywriters to deliver adverts to me for non-traditional products with dismal results. Many times, people whose careers had been writing print or media adverts, following tried and true methods gave me stuff that produced abysmal resuts.

Wasted money?

No. Lesson Learned.

Ranting much? I think so.

Anyhow, somehow this wad of text I just wrote relates to I saw this online today. I found it made me smile.

Last night on LOST, Ben took Locke to see this mysterious guy on the island named Jacob. He lived in this old shack. I was really hoping they would open the door and find you in there playing cards and drinking.

-MJD