Me.

I recall a time approximately 3 Christmases ago. Jennie brought her then-boyfriend home for Christmas with us to stay with mom and dad. Let’s call him Sal. I liked Sal, he seemed like a stand-up fella, good to laugh with etc. Thought he was all right.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

During our family’s Christmas ‘Yankee Swap‘ gift exchange I happened to end up with a gift that I already had. I can’t remember what it was, nor is it important to this story. What IS important, however, is that I made a deal with Sal to exchange gifts with him.

Or so I thought.

As we walked towards each other, Sal handed me only a PART of his multi-part gift, took mine and returned to his seat. I asked him about the remainder of his gift, and he simply claimed that the deal involved ONLY that part of his gift. I had misunderstood.

After some discussion, Sal then refused to reverse the deal.

Now, of course, the rest of the family found this situation humorous, however, I’ll be honest - I was put off by it. I felt like I had been wronged - the deal had somehow viciously went sour.

So, the day before he left for home again, I settled the debt. I stole his tube of toothpaste from the bathroom. I think it was Aqua-Fresh. One of those $7 premium tubes that yuppies buy.

It made me feel MUCH better. It made the universe seem balanced.

So again, who steals a tube of toothpaste? I do, that’s who.